“The author’s conclusion? People who anxiously cling to, or push away, their closest connections are drained, enervated by their lack of security. They’re simply too wrapped up in bad feelings to embark on new adventures. ~Are Secure Relationships the Key to an Exciting Life? on Psychology Today.“
This is interesting because of how CFS is said to be more common in emotionally sensitive people (to the point where it was once considered a mental disorder in the UK), and because when watching my own energy levels around people I feel relaxed around (geeks, goths, metallers- etc) compared with people I know from experience will have that micro-reaction of distrust when meeting me and throughout the evening (’normals’, I call them), I notice that the latter type leave me drained much more quickly, whereas with people I am relaxed around, I can stay out much longer or later. This has caused some ‘discussions’ at home in the past where this difference was seen as an indication I ‘could’ stay out longer if I ‘wanted to’.
It’s also interesting (and I admit full confirmation bias here) that one of the things I did recently to help myself is download a bunch of hypnotherapy mp3′s– most of which are to help deal with stress or things that result in me feeling stressed later on (lack of focus and organised thinking, to get my ADHD brain to behave), but one of which was to “Feel more connected“. I felt this would help me expand outside of my inner circle. Life is just too big to live from within a circle.
When I first arrived in Madrid I was emotionally paralysed, and the effort required to do things such as join a Spanish class, socialise, and start business networking/job hunting was overwhelming. This lead to exasperation in my partner and more ‘discussions’, which in turn increased my anxiety. It was an ugly cycle. Eventually, he decided to break the anger cycle and later, with the reduced anxiety of no longer waiting for the next ‘explosion’, I started hypnosis and other lifestyle changes to reduce anxiety.
As I feel more connected and secure, I’m more willing to go outside my comfort zone, and that’s having a positive impact on my relationship, as well as other aspects of my life, and of course, my energy.
For me, growth happens like a wave develops. Before I can hit the shore, I need to pull back a little bit. It’s been a long process with a lot of introspection and a lot of truth-telling from people I love, but I am finally feeling like I’m beginning to be happy in Madrid.
I will make some time to get to the connectivity mp3 during the week, since I mostly focus on the immediate benefits of anti-stress and productivity ones.